When it’s Hard to Slow Down
I enjoy the benefits of slowing down. When I am able to slow down and become present with myself, I’m more grounded. More connected to others. Less reactive. More intentional. I love others better, and generally enjoy life more.
And yet, slowing down is one of the more challenging things in life. Sometimes it is so difficult I can’t even simply take a slow breath.
I used to think that life and all its demands were to blame. But that’s only partly true. Sure, there are times and seasons where the pace of life is not conducive to slowing down. But even in the midst of busy seasons, opportunities exist for me to breathe, reflect, and slow down. And yet I usually don’t.
Why?
I think the main reason I don’t slow down more often is that I’m subconsciously (or sometimes consciously) avoiding certain difficult things going on inside of me. Uncomfortable feelings. Relational tension. Worrisome thoughts. If I slow down, those thoughts & feelings might have time to surface and get my attention. So I silently develop a strategy to stay busy, stay distracted, and stay away from the discomfort.
When I realize I am doing this, my first response is usually to become frustrated with myself. Then, in my frustration I turn to force. I attempt to push my way through the discomfort, to figure out what is going on and fix it.
Author and Quaker Parker Palmer, in his book A Hidden Wholeness, equates the soul to a wild animal — savvy, self-sufficient, and yet exceedingly shy. He writes that “the soul is not responsive to subpoenas or cross-examinations.” Thus, my frustrated self-interrogation generally sends my soul deeper into the woods, and makes it even harder to locate the next time it is trying to get my attention.
Recently I have been practicing a different way. I am realizing that if I am able to pause the frustration/shame/judgement, and simply become curious, a whole new experience emerges. Curiosity allows me to wonder. To notice and observe. To create space for my soul to show up.
It usually starts with something like this: “Okay, it is hard for me to slow down right now. That’s annoying (frustrating?!). I can feel a lot of internal resistance…I wonder what is going on?”
The beauty of this response is how it leaves the door open for self-compassion. For being understanding towards myself. For more insight. And, in a sneaky way, it gives me the slowing down experience (and resulting peace) that I’ve been wanting in the first place.
I encourage you to try it right now. Pause. Take a slow breath in. Now a slow breath out. If this pause is difficult, or you feels something uncomfortable rising up, don’t force it. Simply notice the difficulty and discomfort. Practice curiosity and ask yourself something like, “I wonder why it is difficult for me to pause right now?” Then, when Resist the urge to judge yourself, and begin to wonder what might be going on. And maybe, like me, you’ll find a moment to release that deep exhale you’ve been holding in.
